FAIL

Yesterday I had a delicious Chocolate Chipotle Chai at The Steeping Room, one of my favorite places in town. It was very tasty. And one of the stupidest things I’ve done in a long time.

I quit caffeine about a month before I got pregnant, because I realized I had to quit Xanax pronto. It’s a class D drug which means BAD for the fetus. So to control my anxiety I quite caffeine and exercised more. It was a rough transition, but it really did work. I had no idea how much the caffeine was contributing to my anxiety, insomnia, and general freakiness. I’d forgotten how much anxiety I had in the evenings (which is what habituated me to the Xanax).  I think the pattern started when I was in grad school and working full time. Have to be alert and functional, have to sleep. But I’m seriously glad I stopped both of them. Seriously.

So yesterday I have this chai, thinking no big deal. I’d had a cafe au lait in New Orleans to no ill effect (but I’d walked a lot after, so I think I must have burned it off). This time was NOT GOOD. Stomachache, anxiety, increased nausea, and about 5.5 hours of sleep choc filled with anxiety dreams about miscarriage, amnios, and breastfeeding in New York City with no burp cloth. Don’t ask, I have no idea what that was about. It’s the second dream I’ve had where the baby suddenly arrives and I have no idea what to do – I haven’t taken any classes yet on breastfeeding or changing diapers or WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH THIS TINY NONVERBAL CREATURE. Am I worried about being under prepared? Maybe a bit.

No more caffiene for me. That stuff is whack. I hope I can stay off it post-birth, because I really think it’s bad for me.

In other news, this rocks. I can pull out my pants and jeans again and probably wear them for a couple more months. Yay! The one I got is called a Be Band and is available at Target. There’s a more expensive version by the same brand, and about a thousand other versions out there. Very useful, very economical.