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I marvel at my own cleverness. A lot.

These are my sarcastic and ever so witty responses to one of those “get to know your friendz!!!” emails that seem to show up at least once a month. I had more fun with this one. Please admire my rapier wit, or not.

————————————————————

Read through the comments below about your friend and then make sure you
read the instructions at the bottom (which are not in any way redundant at all in any way). Have fun! (I will !! :))

1. What time is it?

8:25 am

2. What’s your full name?

Heather Michelann Oster
3. What are you most afraid of?

Cockroaches and highly unethical people. Unethical cockroaches are the worst.

4. What is the most recent movie that you’ve seen in a theater?

Xanadu (Mr. Sinus). It was dreamy. Just ask David.

5. Place of birth?

Santa Barbara, CA


6. Favorite New Food?

Not Sure About The New Part. Dim sum, sushi, shortbread, pecan pralines, chicory café au lait, salmon, anything my brother cooks.

7. What’s your natural hair color?

Dark ash blonde

8. Ever been to Alaska?

No

9. Ever been toilet papering rolling?

Yes, I worked in a factory rolling toilet paper until my tragic toilet paper rolling accident. Now I have to use paper towels to wipe my ass. Oh wait, did you mean something else?

10. Love someone so much it made you cry?

Yes. Especially when he locks me in the closet without dinner. Kidding.


11. Been in a car accident?

Yes. They suck. Except the part after where I got a hot new car. Neck pain, not so much.

12. Favorite day of the week?

Saturday

13. Favorite Restaurant?

NOLA, Commander’s Palace, Fonda San Miguel, Hudson’s on the Bend, my parents’ house.

14. Favorite Flower?

Lavender

15. Favorite sport to watch?

Golf. Shut up.

16. Favorite Drink?

Top-shelf tequila on ice.

17. Favorite ice cream?

Amy’s ginger snap, Chubby Hubby

18. Disney or Warner Bros.?

Bugs is way cooler than Mickey, and everyone hates Goofy.

19. Favorite fast food restaurant?

Taco Deli

20. What color is your bedroom carpet?

Light beige. Except where Simon threw up on it.

22. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email?

Emily. She’s funny.

23. What do you do most often when you are bored?

Nap, web surf, read, whine.

24. Bedtime?

11 with my friend Lunesta, 12 without. Try IMing me about a half hour after I’ve taken it. That gets interesting.

25. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest?

David. Kidding.

26. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond?

That would be David.

27. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their
responses?

Let’s see if Emily can raise the sarcasm bar.

28. FAVORITE TV SHOW ?

THE ALL CAPS SHOW!!! Also, Buffy, Angel, Queer Eye, anything home-improvement from the BBC, Chappelle Show.

29. What are you currently reading?

Ethical leadership books for school

30. Ford or Chevy?

Ew.

31. What are you listening to right now?

Air conditioners and chatter.

33. What are your favorite colors?

Purple, dark red, pink.

34. How many tattoos do you have?

three

35. How many pets do you have?

One Simon. Species and gender negotiable.

36. Which came first the chicken or the egg??

Which came first?? Morons, or multiple punctuation marks!!???

37. What would you like to accomplish before you die?

To cure the world of bad punctuation. Kidding. To live courageously and compassionately and help others do the same.

38. How many people are you sending this e-mail to?

Not many. Not everyone appreciates my sparkling wit.

39. DO YOU HAVE A DREAM.

SOMETIMES I DREAM OF A WORLD WHERE EVERYONE IS SHOUTING IN MY HEAD!!!

40. Favorite all time movie.

Sense and Sensibility, LOTR, Cabaret, Some Like it Hot, lots more


RETURN DIRECTIONS: Now, here’s what you’re supposed to do… and
please do not spoil the fun
(why would I want to do that?). Hit forward, delete my answers, and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you (I’m glad they’re clear about that – I wouldn’t want to forget.) The theory is that you will learn many little known facts about those who know you. (that’s a great theory!) Remember to send it back to the person that sent it to you.(Thanks, I almost forgot.)

My additional questions:

How many of these things have you filled out in the last five years?
At least 5, but then I love talking about myself.

What’s up with the Alaska question?
I don’t know. What is up with that?

Does your blood pressure go up when you read bad grammar and punctuation?
Do I even need to answer that?

Should I ever send you one of these ever again?
I’m a whore for attention, so bring it on!

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